Fear

I originally began this post and four others on February 26th. It is now March 26th. Between working full-time, mothering 3 kids still at home, savoring pockets of time with bestfriendwhoismyhusband, cleaning, making plans for Respiratory Therapy School and fear I haven't written a word.

Fear. Yep, that's the last word, and the primary reason I haven't written. For many years I considered myself a writer. Even got paid for it. Blogged a little. But a few years ago other commitments pressed in and we entered a seriously strange season in life where I couldn't even explain it to myself much less put it in words. So I withdrew from the world of words and waited until the season passed. And now fear has been holding me hostage from getting my thoughts to the page.

 I feel a little like a corked up bottle who, if the thoughts began to flow freely, might not stop for a long time. And I'm pretty sure some of those thoughts will be ugly, weird, cynical. Some might be a little funny. Some sad. I am a little unsure of what will spill out---and who will read it, and what they will think of me knowing how dark and twisty inside I am sometimes. And yet I have that nagging feeling that if I don't do this all those thoughts will roll around inside me and I will let the fear of what others think of me continue to have power. So here I stand on the ledge and by the time I push "publish" I will have jumped.

A note about the blog name and lack of identity. These days I work in the healthcare field  Much of my day I am not allowed to discuss because of patient privacy laws. However, I set this blog up with an anonymous name so that I could, occasionally, talk about the things I see and experience. For someone like me who processes things out loud it has been the hardest thing to not talk. I might change some details to protect patient identities, but the stories here will be true.

Here goes to leaving fear behind....